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Published June 29, 2017

If we are Nebby, then Nintendo is Lillie, and damned if we’re going to get out of the bag any time soon.

With the predictable announcement of the SNES Classic this week, Nintendo fans went nuts. So many amazing titles from the golden age of gaming (although with many glaring omissions *cough* *cough* Chrono Trigger Donkey Kong Country 2 *cough*) on one cheap device, with two controllers included, and the legendary never released Star Fox 2. But then, the NES Classic PTSD hits you…

Online orders gone within seconds, people lining up for hours only to find they couldn’t get one, scalpers selling them at a huge margin for the Christmas season – in the end, I couldn’t even get one.

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.” – Blade Runner

Yet, despite all this, and the fact that Nintendo has consistently let us down in the past, people are dead set on grabbing a SNES Classic for the holiday season. Including myself, and I’ve played a large majority of the games on it already. Like Nebby from Pokémon Sun and Moon, we just want to have some freedom from the bag Lillie keeps shoving us in, from Nintendo repeatedly making the same mistakes: Lack of third party support, limited supplies of pretty much every product and overpriced accessories being just a few. Just when we think that we’re out, Nintendo announces something rad and shoves us right back in. Oh Nintendo… why can’t we quit you?

Star Fox 2 SNES Classic
But… it has Star Fox 2, though…

A perfect example – I knew that when Nintendo Switch launched there wouldn’t be too many reasons to buy it right away, except the one main reason, Breath of the Wild. I was one of those non-Wii U having folks. So I thought: “I can wait, it’s no big deal.” So I did. I resisted pre-ordering it. Then it launched. Then I waited a few weeks. Then there were so many amazing reviews for BotW, and I became paranoid about seeing Zelda spoilers. Then before I knew it, I woke up after having blacked out, and there was a confirmation email from Best Buy that I had managed to order a Nintendo Switch. So long, my darling money.

Nintendo is basically holding our childhoods hostage. They have made mistakes, boy howdy have they made mistakes, and yet they still manage to produce gems that build upon the franchises we know and love and make us want to come back for more torture. I am just as stoked about Mario Odyssey as everybody else. As for the SNES Classic, we’ll line up in the rain and the snow, and continually hit refresh on our browsers to maybe score an online order. Heck, we may even buy one from a scalper, and be grateful for it. Nintendo really are the company we love to hate and hate to love.

So yes, we all resent being shoved into that bag, and yes every once in a while we’ll manage to escape and enjoy the fresh air, but at the end of the day… the bag is pretty cozy. Well-padded, dark, perfect to take a blissful nap and just forget about our troubles. Well played, Nintendo. Well played.

Nerd Speaker is currently being held hostage by Nintendo, please send help. Special thanks to LightningEllen for giving me a chance to rant about Nintendo and think of this joke. If you enjoyed this tirade. please consider following Nerd Speaker on Facebook and Twitter. Now without further ado, enjoy more Nebby bag memes!

13 Comments

  1. I’ll sadly admit, you’re so right. My childhood is definitely held hostage by Nintendo, and has developed quite the case of Stockholm Syndrome. I own the overwhelming majority of the titles on the SNES Classic, and in more than one iteration, too. But I will try 10x harder than I did with the NES Classic to get it. All logic argues against it… literally, all logic (minus Star Fox 2). But I must have it.

  2. We’ve got every Nintendo system ever…except for the Game Cube. Oh, and then I made the unforgivable mistake of not picking up the NES Classic during the limited time it had been available. Even I’m disappointed in myself. :/

    • It was literally impossible (except for those who got it). I was not willing to wake up early to stand in line before work.

  3. I just set up Amazon to let me know when it’s available and I’m setting out my hooks elsewhere.

  4. Chris Scott Chris Scott

    While I certainly have distaste for how Nintendo handled the NES Classic, their online account systems, Switch shortages, overpriced accessories, etc… I can’t say they’ve made too many mistakes outside of the WiiU recently. It’s not a mistake to capitalize on your assets to manipulate your customers. That’s savy business, albeit infuriating to customers. It is only a mistake when it doesn’t work. 🙂

    • Good point! I remember not too long ago their stocks were in the toilet – cant say that anymore! Still frustrating for all us plebs though 😉

  5. No other company but Nintendo can get away with this crap for me! Nostalgia is just too powerful. Sigh… I’ll be sure to let you know if I hear anything about Canadian stock. As of now, rumors are flying that our stores aren’t going to do preorders. Thanks for the shout out too 🙂

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